http://youtu.be/UWSfyEw96T0
As soon as I started watching this video, it brought me back to those lonely times I was in the bathroom after a binge. The background of this video is on a stairwell, yet to me it has the hollowness of a bathroom. The song title, "Hungry", is so appropriate, as my heart was so hungry for affection, for love, that I chose food to fill it. Why wouldn't a starving heart crave food?
The expression on the face of the girl singing in the front, brought me back to those times I felt so lonely...right before I would purge. Contemplating my choice...do I or don't I? My inside screaming "do it"...yet my true desire was for someone to save me at that moment so I wouldn't do it.
This song....the lyrics...just waiting for Jesus to come, to rescue...to fill up my empty soul.
It is in the waiting...in the silence...in the calm before the storm...at that moment of choice...is when fear trickles in. So alone....so wanting to wait for Jesus to come and fill up your soul...yet becoming impatient....the choice in the calm....in the waiting.
This song...this video so speaks to my heart. As I see that fearful, lonely Joni...so filled up with emotions and food...so wanting to be free...yet not knowing what to do....so that Joni would do what she only knew to do to satisfy that heart hunger...she would choose to purge out all of Joni...to make her go away.
I know this may sound so depressing....but for some reason, this video made me look back on those lonely days...those lonely years....that I was in such deep pain....denying myself of feeling, by numbing myself with food...and then becoming so "full" that I would have to run away from myself...because after a binge I could feel myself...the one thing that I didn't want to feel...me....
This song....with the guitar player in the background, reminding me of Jesus' small whisper, calling out behind me...as He was holding out His arms to me...telling me to "Come"...to "Come to Me" so He could satisfy my hungry soul.
I came....and my life has never been the same. He rescued me from that fearful little Joni, the Joni that was afraid of her shadow, afraid to feel.
Jesus rescued that Joni, and "peaced" her back together.
Hungry I came...Empty I felt...Broken I was....
I fell on my knees, as I was so weary so that was the only place to go...Offering all of me to Jesus. He touched my heart, in those broken places where food didn't have the power to fill....satisfying my heart hunger.
Thank you Jesus for saving me from broken self.
Wait for Him...in the pain...in the loneliness...in the fear....Wait because He is right there just waiting to satisfy your heart. He is singing your name, calling you to Come to Him.
Hungry....
Hungry, I come to you
For I know You satisfy
I am empty, but I know
Your love does not run dry
So I wait for you
So I wait for You
I’m falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for
Broken, I run to You
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary, but I know
Your touch restores my life
So I wait for you
So I wait for You
I’m falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for
May 11, 2011
March 24, 2011
My Circumstances + Christ = Strength
The words of Philippians 4:13 ,"I can do everything through Him (Christ) who gives me strength"....so easily repeated, yet forgotten when discontentment enters. The secret of contentment, found in these words. Only in Christ. I looked up the word "contentment" and the words I found truly describe the contentment that is only found in our Lord.
Look what happens when the world according to "Webster" and Christ collide...the strength produced in a believers life....Total Contentment.
My satisfaction is in Christ.
My happiness is in Christ.
My pleasure is in Christ.
My gratification is in Christ.
My ease is in Christ.
Thank you Jesus that I can do everything, THROUGH YOU, as you are the ONE who gives me al that I need, in all circumstances, at all times...no matter what . My contentment is knowing that I am always enough because You are enough... always!
Look what happens when the world according to "Webster" and Christ collide...the strength produced in a believers life....Total Contentment.
My satisfaction is in Christ.
My happiness is in Christ.
My pleasure is in Christ.
My gratification is in Christ.
My ease is in Christ.
Thank you Jesus that I can do everything, THROUGH YOU, as you are the ONE who gives me al that I need, in all circumstances, at all times...no matter what . My contentment is knowing that I am always enough because You are enough... always!
March 21, 2011
More thoughts to Chew On
Weight is a distraction (whether too thin or being uncomfortable in your own skin) because:
"Feeling uncomfortable in your own skin is feeling something...which is better than feeling what is inside!"
Freedom from a Food Stronghold:
" I don't need to remain in a false hope because I abide in the One who offers True Hope!"
"A Christian forgets all his sins and imperfections because Christ has forgiven them. He looks ahead only. A runner who constantly looks back is in danger of losing the race."
www.pericope.org/buls-notes/philippians/philippians_3_12_21.htm
Perfect fear drives out love. Jesus came so "perfect love would drive out fear".
How fear is turned into peace:
Feeling Emotions Acknowledging Righteousness
"Feeling uncomfortable in your own skin is feeling something...which is better than feeling what is inside!"
Freedom from a Food Stronghold:
" I don't need to remain in a false hope because I abide in the One who offers True Hope!"
"A Christian forgets all his sins and imperfections because Christ has forgiven them. He looks ahead only. A runner who constantly looks back is in danger of losing the race."
www.pericope.org/buls-notes/philippians/philippians_3_12_21.htm
Perfect fear drives out love. Jesus came so "perfect love would drive out fear".
How fear is turned into peace:
Feeling Emotions Acknowledging Righteousness
March 19, 2011
March 14, 2011
Freedom Within
Todays devotion from Oswald Chamber's "My Utomost from His Highest" really highlights the main points of Week 9.
Enjoy...
March 14 (Oswald Chambers)
2011
. . . you are that one’s slaves whom you obey . . . —Romans 6:16
The first thing I must be willing to admit when I begin to examine what controls and dominates me is that I am the one responsible for having yielded myself to whatever it may be. If I am a slave to myself, I am to blame because somewhere in the past I yielded to myself. Likewise, if I obey God I do so because at some point in my life I yielded myself to Him.
If a child gives in to selfishness, he will find it to be the most enslaving tyranny on earth. There is no power within the human soul itself that is capable of breaking the bondage of the nature created by yielding. For example, yield for one second to anything in the nature of lust, and although you may hate yourself for having yielded, you become enslaved to that thing. (Remember what lust is— “I must have it now,” whether it is the lust of the flesh or the lust of the mind.) No release or escape from it will ever come from any human power, but only through the power of redemption. You must yield yourself in utter humiliation to the only One who can break the dominating power in your life, namely, the Lord Jesus Christ. “. . . He has anointed Me . . . to proclaim liberty to the captives . . .” (Luke 4:18 and Isaiah 61:1).
When you yield to something, you will soon realize the tremendous control it has over you. Even though you say, “Oh, I can give up that habit whenever I like,” you will know you can’t. You will find that the habit absolutely dominates you because you willingly yielded to it. It is easy to sing, “He will break every fetter,” while at the same time living a life of obvious slavery to yourself. But yielding to Jesus will break every kind of slavery in any person’s life.
Enjoy...
March 14 (Oswald Chambers)
2011
. . . you are that one’s slaves whom you obey . . . —Romans 6:16
The first thing I must be willing to admit when I begin to examine what controls and dominates me is that I am the one responsible for having yielded myself to whatever it may be. If I am a slave to myself, I am to blame because somewhere in the past I yielded to myself. Likewise, if I obey God I do so because at some point in my life I yielded myself to Him.
If a child gives in to selfishness, he will find it to be the most enslaving tyranny on earth. There is no power within the human soul itself that is capable of breaking the bondage of the nature created by yielding. For example, yield for one second to anything in the nature of lust, and although you may hate yourself for having yielded, you become enslaved to that thing. (Remember what lust is— “I must have it now,” whether it is the lust of the flesh or the lust of the mind.) No release or escape from it will ever come from any human power, but only through the power of redemption. You must yield yourself in utter humiliation to the only One who can break the dominating power in your life, namely, the Lord Jesus Christ. “. . . He has anointed Me . . . to proclaim liberty to the captives . . .” (Luke 4:18 and Isaiah 61:1).
When you yield to something, you will soon realize the tremendous control it has over you. Even though you say, “Oh, I can give up that habit whenever I like,” you will know you can’t. You will find that the habit absolutely dominates you because you willingly yielded to it. It is easy to sing, “He will break every fetter,” while at the same time living a life of obvious slavery to yourself. But yielding to Jesus will break every kind of slavery in any person’s life.
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