May 11, 2011

The "Hungry" Heart

As soon as I started watching this video, it brought me back to those lonely times I was in the bathroom after a binge. The background of this video is on a stairwell, yet to me it has the hollowness of a bathroom. The song title, "Hungry", is so appropriate, as my heart was so hungry for affection, for love, that I chose food to fill it. Why wouldn't a starving heart crave food?
The expression on the face of the girl singing in the front, brought me back to those times I felt so lonely...right before I would purge. Contemplating my I or don't I? My inside screaming "do it"...yet my true desire was for someone to save me at that moment so I wouldn't do it.
This song....the lyrics...just waiting for Jesus to come, to fill up my empty soul.
It is in the the the calm before the that moment of when fear trickles in. So wanting to wait for Jesus to come and fill up your soul...yet becoming impatient....the choice in the the waiting.
This song...this video so speaks to my heart. As I see that fearful, lonely filled up with emotions and wanting to be free...yet not knowing what to that Joni would do what she only knew to do to satisfy that heart hunger...she would choose to purge out all of make her go away.
I know this may sound so depressing....but for some reason, this video made me look back on those lonely days...those lonely years....that I was in such deep pain....denying myself of feeling, by numbing myself with food...and then becoming so "full" that I would have to run away from myself...because after a binge I could feel myself...the one thing that I didn't want to
This song....with the guitar player in the background, reminding me of Jesus' small whisper, calling out behind He was holding out His arms to me...telling me to "Come" "Come to Me" so He could satisfy my hungry soul.
I came....and my life has never been the same. He rescued me from that fearful little Joni, the Joni that was afraid of her shadow, afraid to feel.
Jesus rescued that Joni, and "peaced" her back together.
Hungry I came...Empty I felt...Broken I was....
I fell on my knees, as I was so weary so that was the only place to go...Offering all of me to Jesus. He touched my heart, in those broken places where food didn't have the power to fill....satisfying my heart hunger.
Thank you Jesus for saving me from broken self.
Wait for the the the fear....Wait because He is right there just waiting to satisfy your heart. He is singing your name, calling you to Come to Him.

Hungry, I come to you
For I know You satisfy
I am empty, but I know
Your love does not run dry

So I wait for you
So I wait for You
I’m falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for

Broken, I run to You
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary, but I know
Your touch restores my life

So I wait for you
So I wait for You
I’m falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for