May 11, 2011

The "Hungry" Heart

As soon as I started watching this video, it brought me back to those lonely times I was in the bathroom after a binge. The background of this video is on a stairwell, yet to me it has the hollowness of a bathroom. The song title, "Hungry", is so appropriate, as my heart was so hungry for affection, for love, that I chose food to fill it. Why wouldn't a starving heart crave food?
The expression on the face of the girl singing in the front, brought me back to those times I felt so lonely...right before I would purge. Contemplating my I or don't I? My inside screaming "do it"...yet my true desire was for someone to save me at that moment so I wouldn't do it.
This song....the lyrics...just waiting for Jesus to come, to fill up my empty soul.
It is in the the the calm before the that moment of when fear trickles in. So wanting to wait for Jesus to come and fill up your soul...yet becoming impatient....the choice in the the waiting.
This song...this video so speaks to my heart. As I see that fearful, lonely filled up with emotions and wanting to be free...yet not knowing what to that Joni would do what she only knew to do to satisfy that heart hunger...she would choose to purge out all of make her go away.
I know this may sound so depressing....but for some reason, this video made me look back on those lonely days...those lonely years....that I was in such deep pain....denying myself of feeling, by numbing myself with food...and then becoming so "full" that I would have to run away from myself...because after a binge I could feel myself...the one thing that I didn't want to
This song....with the guitar player in the background, reminding me of Jesus' small whisper, calling out behind He was holding out His arms to me...telling me to "Come" "Come to Me" so He could satisfy my hungry soul.
I came....and my life has never been the same. He rescued me from that fearful little Joni, the Joni that was afraid of her shadow, afraid to feel.
Jesus rescued that Joni, and "peaced" her back together.
Hungry I came...Empty I felt...Broken I was....
I fell on my knees, as I was so weary so that was the only place to go...Offering all of me to Jesus. He touched my heart, in those broken places where food didn't have the power to fill....satisfying my heart hunger.
Thank you Jesus for saving me from broken self.
Wait for the the the fear....Wait because He is right there just waiting to satisfy your heart. He is singing your name, calling you to Come to Him.

Hungry, I come to you
For I know You satisfy
I am empty, but I know
Your love does not run dry

So I wait for you
So I wait for You
I’m falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for

Broken, I run to You
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary, but I know
Your touch restores my life

So I wait for you
So I wait for You
I’m falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for

March 24, 2011

My Circumstances + Christ = Strength

The words of Philippians 4:13 ,"I can do everything through Him (Christ) who gives me strength" easily repeated, yet forgotten when discontentment enters. The secret of contentment, found in these words. Only in Christ. I looked up the word "contentment" and the words I found truly describe the contentment that is only found in our Lord.
Look what happens when the world according to "Webster" and Christ collide...the strength produced in a believers life....Total Contentment.

My satisfaction is in Christ.
My happiness is in Christ.
My pleasure is in Christ.
My gratification is in Christ.
My ease is in Christ.

Thank you Jesus that I can do everything, THROUGH YOU, as you are the ONE who gives me al that I need, in all circumstances, at all matter what . My contentment is knowing that I am always enough because You are enough... always!

March 21, 2011

More thoughts to Chew On

Weight is a distraction (whether too thin or being uncomfortable in your own skin) because:
"Feeling uncomfortable in your own skin is feeling something...which is better than feeling what is inside!"

Freedom from a Food Stronghold:
" I don't need to remain in a false hope because I abide in the One who offers True Hope!"

"A Christian forgets all his sins and imperfections because Christ has forgiven them. He looks ahead only. A runner who constantly looks back is in danger of losing the race."

Perfect fear drives out love. Jesus came so "perfect love would drive out fear".

How fear is turned into peace:
Feeling Emotions Acknowledging Righteousness
"Facing God's Face...Faces your fears!"

March 19, 2011

A Thought to Chew On...

"It's not what you don't eat, it is what you do eat"

March 14, 2011

"A New Creation no longer lives in obedience to her fleshly appetites"

Freedom Within

Todays devotion from Oswald Chamber's "My Utomost from His Highest" really highlights the main points of Week 9.

March 14 (Oswald Chambers)
. . . you are that one’s slaves whom you obey . . . —Romans 6:16

The first thing I must be willing to admit when I begin to examine what controls and dominates me is that I am the one responsible for having yielded myself to whatever it may be. If I am a slave to myself, I am to blame because somewhere in the past I yielded to myself. Likewise, if I obey God I do so because at some point in my life I yielded myself to Him.
If a child gives in to selfishness, he will find it to be the most enslaving tyranny on earth. There is no power within the human soul itself that is capable of breaking the bondage of the nature created by yielding. For example, yield for one second to anything in the nature of lust, and although you may hate yourself for having yielded, you become enslaved to that thing. (Remember what lust is— “I must have it now,” whether it is the lust of the flesh or the lust of the mind.) No release or escape from it will ever come from any human power, but only through the power of redemption. You must yield yourself in utter humiliation to the only One who can break the dominating power in your life, namely, the Lord Jesus Christ. “. . . He has anointed Me . . . to proclaim liberty to the captives . . .” (Luke 4:18 and Isaiah 61:1).
When you yield to something, you will soon realize the tremendous control it has over you. Even though you say, “Oh, I can give up that habit whenever I like,” you will know you can’t. You will find that the habit absolutely dominates you because you willingly yielded to it. It is easy to sing, “He will break every fetter,” while at the same time living a life of obvious slavery to yourself. But yielding to Jesus will break every kind of slavery in any person’s life.

February 28, 2011

A Choice To Choose

We are the product of a Choice...

God's choice to "knit us together in our mother's womb"

God's choice to love us with His perfect love

God's choice to be in relationship with us.

God's choice to choose to send His Son to die so we can live.

All choices...

Every second we are faced with a choice to choose...

Paper or plastic. Chocolate or vanilla. Mountains or beach. Coffee or Tea.

A choice to receive

A choice to do something... a choice to do nothing

A choice to be bitter... a choice to be better

A choice to blame.... a choice to forgive.

A choice to do nothing is still a choice

A choice to stay “stuck” is still a choice

A choice to be indecisive is a choice.

Choosing to choose.

A choice to choose to ...

"Submit to God. Resist the devil. Come near to God...(James 4:7-8)

So God “will come near” and temptation will flee.

Living in the moments of choice...a choice to believe the truth and a choice to flee from the lies which feed the wrong choice.

Choose today to live as a product of a Perfect Choice because you are!

February 21, 2011

Thoughts to Chew on

Food never delivers on its promises.

Food only has the power that we give to it.

Running to a food stronghold = Giving power to the powerless.

Only God satisfies.

God is always enough.

God makes me be enough.

David and Goliath....a battle between Truth and Lies. What appears to be bigger is actually smaller...when God is added.
* Little David vs. Big Goliath..
*Saul's Armor vs. a Slingshot
Reality: The Small kid won...because he had a bigger God!

Triggers are only as powerful as the power we give them.

God is more powerful than any trigger.

Triggers set off our pain.

Emotions are attached to a wound. Jesus heals wounds. Jesus heals emotions.
The triggers of Who, What, When, and Where...Do I respond to God or react and run to food?

When triggered...what are you feeling?

Why do you think you are feeling...angry, guilty, afraid....?

Respond instead of reacting to a trigger...
Acknowledge how you are feeling.
Acknowledge the circumstance that is bringing up the emotion.
Bring God's truth into the circumstance and emotion.

Emotions are attached to a wound. Jesus heals wounds. Jesus heals emotions.

Food was the only thing in my life that I could control, when everything else around me was out of control.
I couldn't control the deep seated emotions which were emerging.
I coulnd't control my circustances,
I couldn't control what others thought about me..
I couldn't control how others treated me..... I chose food to control!

What I was controlling controlled me!

God is the Master Controller over my emotions, circumstances, people...over all triggers.

February 13, 2011

God's Chocolate Heart

Valentines day....A day to tell our loved ones "I love You"...and how do we do this...with chocolate. How did I feel love...with chocolate, with food. When I wanted the hug, food hugged me. It hugged every part of me, so I couldn't even feel what I was originally feeling. It took the sting of pain away....but only for a split second. In that first bite, and then the second...and it doesn't end there, because food can never love me like I needed to be love.
God also sends us a valentine, to tell us that "I Love You". It doesn't come wrapped in a gold wrapper, it comes in a manger. An innocent little baby who grows up to tell us to "Come" Him....when we are weary and heavy laden". Do I "come" to Jesus when I am weary...or do choose that heart shaped chocolate?
This Valentine's day, embrace the gift of love that is all wrapped up in Jesus. Ask Him to feed your heart.

February 10, 2011

Chewing Thoughts from Jackie

" food hugs me" (week5) when wonering why I run to food

" god loved me back to health"

"feeding the wound grows the wound. Feeding the spirit produces freedom"

" feeding the starved child" ( what r u feeding your starved child inside? Food or god? ( week about the vine)

Quotes from Jackie:

“I would treat myself better – take better care of myself. I would respect myself and know my dignity and security is in Him. I would not belittle myself.”

"I would take every thought captive. I would desire to make my thoughts a sanctuary God can inhabit, where God can dwell comfortably."

"I am able to control my thoughts and this is what I would like my thoughts to be." (Tozer)

“It is a habit that becomes a necessity that has power over my ability to make choices.”

“We can chew on God’s Word – it is not fattening, though it is sweet to our taste… sweeter than honey!” (from Psalm 119).

February 7, 2011

Random Words to Feed On

"Since lies feed strongholds, we feed strongholds."

"Food hugs me"

" God loved me back to health"

"Feeding the wound grows the wound. Feeding the spirit produces freedom"

" Feeding the starved child" ( What are you feeding your starved child inside? Food or God?)

January 27, 2011

Hi Good Looking!

"You are "fearfully and wonderfully made"...said God. He made you perfect on the day you were born. He knew exactly how He wanted to create you, when He knitted you together in your mother's womb. He knew your eye and hair color, He knew your attributes, He even knew those things which drive you nutty about yourself....He created Beautiful You, just as you are. The perfect package. So why do we allow ourselves to focus on what we don't like about our inner self, our body, our life....when the God of the Universe made us in His image and loves us unconditionally?
He is the artist who painted the perfect portrait of you on the day you were born. He continues daily to do "touch ups", as He is making us more Christ like. Enjoy the process.
Enjoy where you are right now...spiritually, physically, mentally, circumstantially...because you are loved by a perfect God. Receive it, this very moment.
Say "I Like Me" because God loves You!
Check out the following lyrics to "More Beautiful You"...I keep hearing this song....

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight, her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight

Well, little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care, your skin, your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but He's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well, little girl twenty one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And He'll treat you like the jewel you are

There could never be a more beautiful you

Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you, more beautiful you

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late, you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear, they can all be washed away

By the one who's strong, can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry, all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light, He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

That there could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you
There could never be a more beautiful you
{ From: }

January 26, 2011

"I Like Me"

How was it possible to like myself when I felt so unlovable, so unworthy? I couldn't even look at myself in a mirror. I used food to numb all emotions, all of "Joni" because Joni wasn't good enough. It was much easier to feed my emotions than to face them. Since there was nothing in Joni that was good, I ran to food and savored the "good" tastes, until I was totally numb. What a lie I was living. I was worthy. I was lovable, as the Lord in heaven, the Master Artist of the Universe purposely created ME, and you. He took out His paintbrush, and canvas and began to paint "you" on your birthday...on purpose. He is so detailed orientated that He even numbered the hairs on your head (Matthew 10). Let the words of the following Love Letter, from your "Daddy", penetrate your soul, as it was written for you, by your creator. I still remember the day I read these words and the tears began to flow. I was loved. I was worthy. I was accepted. Remember that it is about what you do, what you look like, what you weigh, it is about "whoSe you are".
Peace my friends, Joni

My Child,

You may not know me, 
but I know everything about you. 
Psam 139:1 I know when you sit down and when you rise up. 
Psalm 139:2 I am familiar with all your ways. 
Psalm 139:3 Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31 For you were made in my image. 
Genesis 1:27 In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28 For you are my offspring. 
Acts 17:28 I knew you even before you were conceived. 
Jeremiah 1:4-5 I chose you when I planned creation. 
Ephesians 1:11-12 You were not a mistake, 
for all your days are written in my book. 
Psalm 139:15-16 I determined the exact time of your birth 
and where you would live. 
Acts 17:26 You are fearfully and wonderfully made. 
Psalm 139:14 I knit you together in your mother's womb. 
Psalm 139:13 And brought you forth on the day you were born. 
Psalm 71:6 I have been misrepresented 
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44 I am not distant and angry, 
but am the complete expression of love. 
1 John 4:16 And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 
1 John 3:1 Simply because you are my child 
and I am your Father. 
1 John 3:1 I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. 
Matthew 7:11 For I am the perfect father. 
Matthew 5:48 Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. 
James 1:17 For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. 
Matthew 6:31-33 My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. 
Jeremiah 29:11 Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3 My thoughts toward you are countless 
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18 And I rejoice over you with singing. 
Zephaniah 3:17 I will never stop doing good to you. 
Jeremiah 32:40 For you are my treasured possession. 
Exodus 19:5 I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul. 
Jeremiah 32:41 And I want to show you great and marvelous things. 
Jeremiah 33:3 If you seek me with all your heart, 
you will find me. 
Deuteronomy 4:29 Delight in me and I will give you 
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4 For it is I who gave you those desires. 
Philippians 2:13 I am able to do more for you 
than you could possibly imagine. 
Ephesians 3:20 For I am your greatest encourager. 
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 I am also the Father who comforts you 
in all your troubles. 
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 When you are brokenhearted, 
I am close to you. 
Psalm 34:18 As a shepherd carries a lamb, 
I have carried you close to my heart. 
Isaiah 40:11 One day I will wipe away 
every tear from your eyes. 
Revelation 21:3-4 And I'll take away all the pain 
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4 I am your Father, and I love you 
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23 For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. 
John 17:26 He is the exact representation of my being. 
Hebrews 1:3 He came to demonstrate that I am for you, 
not against you. 
Romans 8:31 And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19 Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 
2 Corinthians 5:18-19 His death was the ultimate expression 
of my love for you. 
1 John 4:10 I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love. 
Romans 8:31-32 If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, 
you receive me. 
1 John 2:23 And nothing will ever separate you 
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39 Come home and I'll throw the biggest party 
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7 I have always been Father, 
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15 My question is…
Will you be my child? 
John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you. 
Luke 15:11-32
Love, Your Dad
Almighty God
(Taken From the link: My Father's Love Letter)

January 21, 2011

Week One: You are not Alone

Welcome to the beginning of a new life. A life free from the bondage to food. It is really possible, as I am a living miracle. "Food glorious food”(a song from the movie "Oliver")… you can't live without it, yet at times I know I wish I could. Food was my life. Food was my friend. Food was my god. How scary to rid myself of all that I knew. It wasn't about the food, so no diet could ever free me from my addiction to food. It wasn't about the number on the scale, or the pant size. There was something deeper that I wanted the food to feed. Until I threw diets out the window, and went against the flow of what the world calls normal..."fix the outside and then you will be happy"...and got to the "heart of what really was eating me"...then I became free. Free to be me. Free to enjoy food in a healthy manner. Free to be Joni, as God made me to be.
Welcome to a new life, freedom from the bondage to food. "Chew" on the following statement and take it to heart...."It isn't about the food”. As you begin this journey, BELIEVE that you too can be free from whatever food stronghold is consuming your life. "For nothing is impossible with God"(Luke 1:37) and if God can free me, He can free anyone!
Know that I am with you through this process. Please feel free to ask my anything, as God has made my "mess" my message. Let's Go....
"Come and listen, all you who fear God;
Let me tell you what he has done for me.
I cried out to him with my mouth
His praise was on my tongue
If I had cherished sin in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened;
But God has surely listened
And heard my voice in prayer.
Praise be to God,
who has not rejected my prayer
or withheld his love from me!
Psalm 66:16-20

Peace your way,
"Trust God. Wait Patiently. Watch Expectantly"

January 17, 2011

A New Life: Leaving familiar Grounds

A new life. Leaving the familiar and going to the unfamiliar....change...transtion....That is what happens when you choose to make a change in your life. When you choose to say, "I have had enough and I want something better". That is what I said, when I knew that it was time to leave my life of feeding my emotions. It was all I knew, it was what I thought would bring me the comfort, the love, the joy that I so craved...when instead it would always lead me into despair. I felt so weak, so defeated, so ashamed to admit that I had a food addiction. takes a strong person to stand up and face the music. It takes a woman of courage to look in the mirror and want freedom. A scary step, yet a courageous one.
If I took it, and boy am I glad I did. I was terrified.
Scripture commands us, in Joshua 1:9... to "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified...". Well, that is much easier said than done. It is scary leaving all that you know. It is scary to begin a new life. How is it possible? Joshua gives you the answer....."...for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
I am not alone. You are not alone. The Lord, your God will be with you. How comforting I found that scripture, as food was my God. Food was what I could go to when I was afraid, lonely, frustrated, depressed....I needed to let go of the hand of my buddy food, and take the hand of my Lord. The One who was going to be the driver on this new journey into freedom. It was an action. I had to choose to believe that God was with me through this. I didn't have to fear freedom. I was allowed to enjoy the process, because God would be leading me and was with me.
God was the unfamiliar to me, but I was ready for my familiar was not working.
So whenever I am afraid, I rest in the truth of Joshua 1:9....that I don't have to be terrified, or discouraged, with God by my side.
Rest in that truth....even if you don't know will, as you continue through this workbook. I didn't know Him, yet I was ready to take the chance to begin to trust in a new God, as my old one was not working.
It is time to fly....with God.